Gotta swerve em’ all: The five types of muslim men to avoid

Hello everyone welcome, or welcome back to my blog!

Today I have a post that is meant to be funny, but also meant to be informative.

So yet another post around the topic of muslim marriage, specifically for the muslim women or women in general (everyone is welcome!).

I just had a call the other day from a good friend who is so tired of muslim men and how she has been looking for years and just keeps meeting men who are not to her standards. We were laughing and joking about the types of muslim men that we meet and see in our daily lives, my friend then said that it would have been easier if she learnt beforehand the types of men to avoid. Thus it was from that call that I was inspired to write this post, so here we have five types of muslim men to avoid.

*Disclaimer: This is post is not meant to be inflammatory or offensive, it is just made up fictional characters based on some types of muslim men that I have known throughout my life, and through this post I wish to highlight unsavoury characteristics that most good women would not AND should not have to put up with and therefore should avoid.

So if there are some men getting hurt by this post, you need to re evaluate yourself and not take everything on the internet so seriously.

**And for some of the keyboard warriors who want to post, “what about posting the 5 types of muslim women to avoid!” first of all its my blog, so I can post what I like and secondly I’m sure that you can find a post like this, easily from a quick Google search, Google is your friend.

1) Omar

Omars usually have a big stature and muscly build, spends most of his time at the gym and playing sports with his “bros”. Like to keep his beard all nice and groomed. Wears form fitting shirts and has to flex his muscles whenever he is near any reflective surface. Yet slams muslim girls for not wearing socks (bro why are you even looking?!).

Calls himself a “moderate muslim”, but he can’t answer basic questions about his religion. Omars tend to just follow what their families do and tell them.

Spends a lot of time watching football, and playing Fifa, adores Messi and will argue why Barcelona is the best team of all time, at any given opportunity. Likes his friends and will do anything for his boys, has a temper and is ready to shout loudly in Arabic and start fights.

Fiercely protective of his little sister and adores his mother, but doesn’t understand how to stop staring holes through other women (his excuse is that his first 10 minute long look is accidental). Most likely to work as a car mechanic, he wants to get married to a muslim woman who can cook and clean like his mother.

gym guy meme always flexing in the mirror

 

2) Yasir

Yasirs love being the life of the party, always smiling and have funny jokes to tell. Tall and slim, Yasirs spend a lot of their time at Topman and Zara shopping for their fashionable looks, and doing their hair in big voluminous gelled up styles. They get along well with people of all backgrounds and are super positive, they are the best hype man you can ever have. However they can take their jokes too far and cause problems, which they say they will fight, but you will never actually see them fighting. Yasirs are very touchy feely, and love to give hugs to everyone and anyone, they do not understand the meaning of personal space. They are very emotional and anything can make a Yasir cry, yes… even when he is upgrading to a new mobile phone.

You can easily find a Yasir by the strong stench of Oud or heavy perfume a mile away, has excuses why they don’t pray and say Islam is in the heart. Loves listening to Drake but when Quran is accidentally played on their phone they cry in a corner and promise to start practicing Islam tomorrow. Most likely to work at H&M and they already have a girl they secretly love but their family has set him up with a future wife.

fashion meme game of thronesbaby-doll-tears1

 

3) Hassan

**No NOT RIHANNA’S mega rich Hassan**

Hassans are super rich, and usually come from wealthy families. Hassans have lovely eyes and are of an average build. They love the nicer things in life and will let you clearly know what they don’t like. Hassans like buying expensive trainers and luxury cars. Enjoys beautiful women even more, and has a habit of scrolling through Instagram liking pretty girls pictures and sending them questionable messages, and then blocking them when said girls roast his unconnected beard or his terrible English.

Hassans are usually forever trying to complete some kind of university degree, but just before their final year they quit and start a whole new degree that, “suits them better”. They enjoy the party life and can be found during the night at clubs and shisha bars. However in the day they are at university or the local Islamic centre learning Arabic (although he says he fully understands his mother tongue….sure Hassan). Never takes public transport anywhere, nor can he cook, instead he is eating out at 5 star restaurants, taking a million pictures of his food, but never actually finishing his food. Wants to get married to a Victoria’s secret model looking, humble, educated hijabi who practices Islam and never had a boyfriend. Yet he has had girlfriends since he was 15 and has one son under 3 years old with his ex Christian girlfriend who refused to marry him (but shhhh that’s a family secret), that little boy you see in most of Hassans public Facebook pictures who is tagged as his beloved nephew, is actually his son that he sends money to every month. Most likely to never have a job and would probably get married to a family friend similar to himself.

rich arab meme

 

4) Gibreel (formerly known as Gary)

Gibreel is a new muslim or a revert, used to hate Islam until this awesome cute muslim lady started her new job at his workplace. Studies Islam in his free time, and loves spreading everything that he learnt to any audience he can get: be it at work, to his family and friends, his doctor and social media.

Loves to use random Arabic words in his everyday language: yallah, sabr, inshaallah, mustaheel, mashaallah, majnoon, baada, kulli etc. Loves to vent online by writing emotional essays on his Tumblr about how born Muslims do not reply to his greetings. At work he likes to loudly declare that he has to pray every single time, and he likes to share to his co-workers exactly how much charity or zakat he gave recently.

Likes to listen to his female muslim crush talk at work meetings and daydreams about marrying her and having six children who will finally listen to all his stories for the rest of his life. Gets very happy about people asking him how he became muslim, and tells his whole life story whilst missing the point of the question. Gibreels are always too scared about what they can and can’t do as a muslim, everything is either absolutely haram or could be haram, which can be quite annoying when his friends just want to go out and have a “cheeky Nandos”.

When there is a major negative news story about muslims in general, Gibreels tend to shave off their little beards, wear more regular clothing, their favourite Arabic words suddenly disappear from their vocabulary and they blend right back into their Western background. Has an atheist ex girlfriend Jennifer who doesn’t leave him alone and sends him desperate messages though ebay.

Mostly likely to quit their nice, well paid accounting job because they are scared its haram and really wants to get married to Bouchra from work ,but he is scared her family will say no. Most likely to save his money and go to Egypt to study Islam for a number of years then return and marry his ex girlfriend and let her work so that he can become a stay at home dad.

new muslim why are you white meme mean girls

absolutely haram meme

5) Walid

The walking, talking Islamic library, loves debating others about what Islam is truly about, very knowledgeable about quoting everything with evidence. Walids are of medium build and height, and seem to always be dressed in a white thaub/qameez with a hoody. Can be found in the masjid or helping out at community centers. Hardly has time for his family and not interested in talking about much else except Islam. When questioned where he was for prayer or the lack of his beard he is ready with evidence to support his lack of Islamic “behavior”. When Ramadan comes around he lives in the masjid and can be found trying to learn….sorry I mean “refresh” his knowledge of the Quran, although he clearly told you he learnt it all by heart when he was 9 years old…

When questioned why he doesn’t have a job or why he doesn’t go back and finish his education, he says that this dunya (life) is a test and that studies and work will take him away from the deen (religion), remember “deen over dunya”. Most likely to have a part time job at local a supermarket, and is still single at 40 years old living with his parents, he wants to marry at least three wives but finds western muslim women incompatible, he plans to go back to his home country and get married.

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ankle wives meme haram

Remember ladies that although no body is perfect, that does not mean that you should accept some of these disgusting and low quality characteristics that can be found in SOME men in general (muslim or not). I think it is important to know what you do not like, and which types of behaviors or characteristics that you cannot accept at all. By knowing what we dislike it makes it far easier to spot or find men with the types of characteristics that we want or find suitable. With these five characters that I listed above, it is important to be aware that as a muslim woman, we deserve honest men, who are not hypocritical or look down on women, who follow the negative aspects of their culture and call it Islam, or who pick and choose what to follow from the religion but expect a perfect woman for themselves.

I hope this post was helpful, and for fun share with me some weird types of characters that you have met, or let me know which of the five men above that you dislike the least!

Miss Moga

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One comment

  1. Omg – this post had me LOL Literally. I’m sure we all know of some of these characters. This was a funny post though – thanks for sharing sis – and i just followed you 💕🌸

    Like

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